i did say that i had a bit of a rant coming on…i guess i had better share….although inevitably because i have processed all the emotions and got through them…im not so ranty anymore, know what i mean?
But just recently I have had quite a few comments about our family…and it got me thinking…
I recently had a conversation with a lady who has twins…and asking me how many children i had, to my response of four, said 'oh so have you got 2 of each then?' and then proceeded to tell me how fortunate she was to have found an IVF consultant with a large success rate with boy/girl twins….which in itself is a erring on the oh so dodgy side i feel…but anyway…
Ive also had a few 'oh poor Isaac' type comments and "oh how is he going to cope with all those women?' and ' did you really want a boy?' and ' would you try again for a boy?' and 'at least he is the oldest i suppose?' and 'looks like Ben and Isaac will be spending a lot of weekends away together!' and probably the most stinging was ' well i think 2 boys and 2 girls would have been perfect!'
yes…really…i mean i know that most of the people who made these comments are not meaning to cause offence but I am often staggered by some people's inability to see the other person's standpoint. I would shudder at the thought of saying to a mother of boys. 'hmmm..i guess you would have really loved a girl huh?" and yes it may be true that a mother of boys would like a girl but there is only the potential for upset if i wade in with that kind of comment dont you think?
So it got me thinking…why is it the perceived perfect family is 'one of each' or in our case 'two of each'? Because really does it make any difference to the family? Does it mean that there are closer relationships? Does it mean that each child gets on well with each other and there is no sibling rivalry? I dont know.
But one thing im sure of is that our family is right for us…families are not perfect, its ridiculous to think that anyhow. We all bring our different characters to the table and what is produced in the pot is the rich, harmonious, chaotic, lifeblood of what makes our families unique. We teach our kids that our family is important. That the James family is the team on which they can depend, be with, fight with and make up with. I want to teach Isaac that these gorgeous girls that are his sisters are worth sticking up for, being proud of and giving his time to. Not that they are to be ignored and disregarded because they outnumber him. The same goes for the girls. Im sure they will all irritate each other and not get on at some stage of their lives, im not trying to raise the Waltons. Conflict gives opportunity for growth provided it is dealt with right. (probably going to be a lot of 'growth' in this family then!!). If we can teach them that it doesnt matter if they are boys or girls, if there is one of them or three, then maybe they will treat that fact of 3:1 with the disregard it deserves.
Honestly, i have probably fallen into the trap myself, looking at other people's families and thinking 'ooohh..how do you cope with 3 boys or 4 girls and wouldnt you like a girl/boy.' Im not saying im beyond it, it is easy to be duped into thinking that for all things to work 'perfectly' in a family you must have a balance of the sexes. It soooo not true…we all know it, our own experiences point to it…we all know from our own families or from others that grew up around us that having one of each doesn't mean harmony in the same way that having all the same doesn't.
You know, when it comes down to it…all babies are precious, all babies are miracles and all babies can grow into children that will bless and enhance family life…….
So next time I hear that a new baby has been born, or in fact that someone i know is pregnant. Im going to try very hard to be thrilled for them that they have a new person coming to their family and not pay a bit of thought to wether its going to be pink or blue…..
I totally agree with you on this, Sarah! We ended up with one of each but I think we would have been fine if we had had two boys. I don’t get why people have to comment or seem to have such a strong opinion about others’ children that way. It’s like they don’t have anything better to do with their time?! I think it’s funny too because my kids are pretty close even though they’re brother and sister, and I’m sure they’ll be close once they’re grown-ups too. Your girls are blessed to have a Isaac as a big brother 🙂
You make such valuable points! In our ‘designer’ society , I think some of us may have ‘lost the plot’ ! Children are gifts from God and each child is precious because they are a little person and a wonderful part of your family. You’re hardly going to have a more harmonious family just because the sexes are equal ! Isaac will grow up no less rich without a brother but so blessed to be in a family who really love each other. When jamie had 4 sisters and no brother I just thought he was lucky and would turn out to be a real ‘catch’ for somebody as he would be used to lots of different female personalities and would know how to handle them!! Keep enjoying your wonderful mix!