I wouldn't ordinarily use my blog to share this sort of thing with so many people. But lets just say my courage starts to diminish when i think about sharing this bit of information with even some of my closest friends and somehow it feels a bit easier to just launch it into cyber space and you can all, those who know me and those who only cyber 'know' me, make of it what you will….
okay so that was quite a prologue huh?
We are very very unexpectedly expecting a baby…….
and no I'm not joking.
I was going to try and express every thought and emotion i have had since we discovered this, because i have had just about every one you could imagine and probably some that you wouldn't be able to. But the truth is I have no idea even how to articulate it. I am still in shock. We are still in shock.
We were not planning to have anymore children and without going into any deliberate details, because really who wants to read those sort of details….er… certain things did not work and we became part of the 2% failure rate…okay? enough said…
We had, we felt completed our family and what we thought was going to be in our immediate future seems to have scattered.. being as we had plans, dreams, for the family that we were hoping to see the tiny buds and beginnings of in this coming 12-18 months and now i have no idea what will happen to those.
Heck, i have no idea how to cope with more people in this house, more washing, more food, more everything? I have even sold or given away most of my maternity stuff…..
All that is without worrying about how ben and i will ever have enough time to spread between so many little folk…without screwing them all up and ending up on an episode of jeremy kyle!..and how we will ever get enough time to sit down over a cup of coffee together and go 'oh hello you..'
Im just trying so very hard to have faith and trust that things will work out, it will be okay.
So this is a little bit of a bizarre way to tell people..yes i know…there are very few people who know up to this point…unless there are some guessers out there, i dont know.
But I have to say i am nervous of people's responses…which i guess in a way is why i am taking a bit of the easy way out and not telling people face to face because im not sure i have thick enough skin for a greater amount of negativity than i got last time.
I did get an ample share of the nay-sayers, head shakers, sharp intake of breaths, wide eyed amazement type looks and plenty of the comments to go with them as well and so im trying to brace myself.
But a sweet friend of mine who i know but haven't yet met emailed me a while back to just check in and say hi and i ended up spilling my news and anxiety and worry about it to her and she had the most positive and sweet response, full of excitement, hope and genuine congratulations….if its the only response i get like that i am eternally grateful 🙂
So there you have it. Cat out of the bag. With the wonders and speed of this method of communication I probably couldn't tell as many people face to face as quickly as putting it on here anyhow.
and just in case anyone wonders:
Yes we have a TV
….
breathe………….
