okay so not at two o'clock in the afternoon, although i reckon i could easily convince myself its night time now, but I have been suffering a bit of insomnia recently. Its not always the obvious 'im uncomfortable' reason although turning from one side to the other has become a bit of a major effort. But sometimes its just the 'stuff on my mind' kind of thing..y'know? 

our kids haven't really come down from the christmas fizz…im thinking that is either 'just the way it is now' or it has something to do with the excitement surrounding the new baby. Either way we are having to deal with a certain amount of fizz…

a game of 'lets all kick each other before bed!!' Yeah, you know that inevitably someone got kicked in the face and there were tears but sometimes they just have to…y'know?

and at 38 weeks this is me….

I have got just over 2 weeks to go till we meet our baby. At this point with my other children i was counting the days but this time im finding it hard to. Of course, I can't wait to meet this little person and discover finally if we are to be a very female dominated household or if all will be equal. But thats not really it. There is something so incredible about carrying a baby. It is a miracle, really if you stop and think about it, how babies are created perfectly in the dark of the womb with, in the most part, no assistance from the outside. Sure you can take you folate and stay away from certain foods but largely it just happens. Cells divide, organs form and a baby appears…it never fails to amaze me. 

Not of the 'cute little characters you suspend above a baby crib' variety but of the 'moving around' variety. 

Our car up and died on saturday, it was sat outside from saturday to yesterday evening taunting me and the kids who had to walk everywhere and beg lifts from people and such like. Me and my so wobbly hips and pelvis bones that sometimes the pain in them when i move can smart a little!! The midwife told me that the baby is lying is a slightly odd 'question mark' type shape with its legs out stretched….i said 'ooh, is that quite unusual?' Her very swift reply was 'Not when you have had four babies!' 

I was incredibly grateful to my wonderful friend who bravely drove their brand new 7 seater to swimming lessons yesterday just so that she could take our kids as well as her own. It was the first time that Poppy has been included in swimming lessons. She has been waiting a long time and i haven't seen her so excited for a while. She made me laugh out loud when she walked back into the changing room after her lessons and looked at me and said..'See, I told you I can swim!' 

The car was fixed yesterday evening by an auto-electrician who amazingly diagnosed the problem and charged us less than £70.00 to fix it. PHEW! I drove the kids to school today with my AA card on the dash though, just in case…

hmmm, there is that 'everything is going to be great' thing about new year isnt there? It pretty much sets you up for a fall. I dont really have that view although its hard to resist wanting to shake things up, draw lines in the sand and start again y'know? Nothing like a new life to make you start thinking about starting afresh. Someone asked us over the christmas holidays if we are planning on doing anything different with number four baby….and i think our joint answer was……a remarkable and profound 'er……'

Yeah, really 'cos we dont know. We dont have a 'formula' that has necessarily worked with all of our kids. I have never followed one of those 'baby books' with my newborns. I read a paragraph of one certain infamous book when i had Isaac and thought 'nope!" I generally go with what works for the baby and what works for me. I do completely disagree with the 'that newborn is just manipulating you now' approach that was very popular a few years ago, the hard training school for the very new baby. A baby has known nothing but closeness for 9 months, sounds, your heartbeat and your movements and sure the adjustment to a bed, on your own in the silence has got to be hard…im not saying it doesn't work…i know it does, i've seen it, just not for me that's all. So im guessing we are just going to get on with it, some things will be the same as with the other three and other things wont which  sounds so vague for a soon to be mother of four….but its probably that approach that keeps us in the game and not beating ourselves up at every failure or crappy night's sleep. Like I think i have said before this is a season in my life in which there are so many blessings that can easily get lost if I focus too much on the lows. It wont be like this forever, heck one day Ben and I are going to be the only people living in our house!!!! Now there's a thought!!

So the anticipation is quite high amongst the kids now…we told them the baby would be here after christmas and obviously that has been and gone and there is no sign of the baby, which in their young minds probably doesnt make any sense but we keep saying 'soon, soon' 

So here we are three weeks till due date. Isaac was born within a week of this time, Maisie within two and Poppy within nearly four!! So who knows…
 37 weeks.