yes they are. Some (an i mean only some) of the comments i have had when people find out and/or ask if i am expecting another baby…
1. you must be crazy
2. are you mad?
3. are you glutton for punishment?
4. Its going to be busy in your house!
5. You need to watch the TV more!
6. Surely this isnt planned?
7. Its irresponsible bringing another child into times like these (that one was from family too!)
8. Big families are a drain on the environment.
9. oh. my. you are insane
10. You are an intelligent person, how can this happen? (oh yeh, im not kidding!)
all of these apart from maybe one or two have been said to me on more than one occasion too!. These past couple of days it got me really hard, particularly because some of these things have been said by people who will be related to our new baby, it got me very upset, swinging from being really fuming about it to just wanting to crawl into a corner, hiccup, sob and stick two fingers up at people.
Its hard after a while to take these sort of comments, initially i kind of expected it but recently i have just been hurt by it particularly because it has come from some friends and family. It feels so personal, it is after all not only my body and state of mind that people are questioning, it is one of my children, a very wanted and welcomed piece of this family. I dont see any of my children as a 'punishment.' I am ridiculously thankful for each and every one of them and overwhelmed that I am fortunate enough to have had the babies I have with relative ease.
I accept and know that times are hard these days. We work hard to provide for our family and we actively seek out and try to learn the best way to parent our children so that they may grow into people of influence, that in this crazy and messed up society that we live in there will be some that stand for something different, something genuine, honest and true.
Being honest, im tired of it, tired of putting on the 'ha ha ha' face when people exclaim "OH MY ARE YOU MAD!" One lady said this to me at a toddler group and i said to her 'No not mad, blessed" and she got all defensive, like i had offended her?? or maybe id just made her see how insulting it is?
You know 'cos really would you say that to someone in any other circumstance. If someone had cancer and decided to have a different kind of treatment than what is 'usual' would you say to them "ARE YOU MAD?" I doubt it. Okay this isn't a life or death situation but it is personal and it is a big life decision that we did not make without thought or consideration and im fed up with people treating it like we did.
Some of the comments like the environment and the irresponsible thing…yeah well, they are the ones that get me most wound up and i have a host of counter arguments for them that have charged round and round in my head over the past couple of days and i had thought of running them off here but, really why bother? People who make generalised statements like that rarely have knowledge of the facts and so it hardly seems worth wasting the type. so i wont.
Ben and i were talking earlier about someone who we told and they said 'wow its going to be busy in your house!" (one of the less insulting ones i suppose) and Ben said 'maybe she couldnt think of anything to say?'
and i said 'how about congratulations!"
i don't know, maybe i wish sometimes people would stick with 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' <sigh>
MASSIVE been there done that hugs at you girlie. people are So tactless. did they not see the article in the times last week about four children being the new two? how everyone is having four these days. Yeah, we did it first right?.
Sometimes I used to lie or just nod and smile when asked oh is this your first/second? when pregnant with daisy… then I got mad at myself and started to say no my fourth or on bad days no my ninth… hahahaha.
they can get over it, YOU are the one who will have a fabulous family, not them. they will obviously die lonely.
LOL
can you tell this is a soap box area of mine!!??? hang in there sweets.
and *ahem* exactly WHERE are the growing pregnant photos on this blog huh? huh??
😉
love you
m…x
wow, Sarah…I’m shocked people would say things like that. especially people in your family 🙁 I don’t get why people feel it’s necessary to comment negatively about personal decisions! sooooooo sorry you have to deal with that! take care 🙂
Wow! Hats off to you getting that off your chest! I think something weird happens when you’re pregnant- suddenly you’re public property & everyone thinks they can comment about personal things they would never dream of saying any other time like ‘Gosh! You’re big! Are you sure there’s only one in there? (Or when I was having the twins- are you sure there are only 2 in there? The cheek!!!! Yes, I know I was big but even so!!!). I just used to make a non descript noise & a half smile or something in response to the comments you’ve mentioned when people said them to me coz I knew that my baby number 4 was a fabulous blessing from God & she has been a joy & a delight right from day 1 & still is! And I’m sure your new baby will be too! 😀
4 is a great number of kids to have! Who cares what other people say eh?! (I’m with you on the 2 fingers!! LOL!!!) Hope you’re doing ok….
Another mum of four in support here – Four is just the best number to have.
As far as the whole “too many people already” thing, well who’s going to be working, paying taxes and looking after us in years to come. Our country needs us to have children to provide for the future.
Well I think its ace that there’s going to be another addition to one of the nicest families I know. If the world is such a bad pace I’m very glad that God has planned for some more lovely people being placed here to sort that out. Very excited and happy for you guys 🙂
Oi Mrs! Stop that feelin’ down! “Another new life? What a fantastic miracle!” THAT should be the response from anyone who’s response is worth hearin’! However, Alan’s response would be “Great! So what car will you be buying?”x
We need wonderful people like you and Ben to keep providing this crazy world with wonderful children. Sorry you’re having to cope with such hurtful comments. I’m with you on the two fingers!!! Lots of love xxxx
Children are little blessings from heaven.
(We have 5)
Children are little blessings from heaven.
(We have 5)
Ditto to all the other comments mate. Most of the people that i deal with at work were unwanted, or unloved, or ill raised children grown into disfunctional adults. You keep providing the world with some of the good ones to counter balance it i say. Why stop at 4 go for 6 i say!! These beautiful people will be the doctors, teachers, police officers, nurses of the future or any thing else that cool that they want to be. BIG BLESSINGS to ALL your offspring James Family xxxxxxx